Of Pies, Darts and Yagyuu
by Animesque
Summary: Well, boys will be boys and Niou will be Niou. How could the Trickster resist? He’s human after all. Besides, curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Right? Wrong. [OneShot]


**Of Pies, Darts and Yagyuu**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Prince of Tennis cast. XD. If I did… Honestly? You wouldn't want to know.

**Story summary: **Well… Boys will be boys and Niou will be Niou. How could the Trickster resist? He's human after all. Besides… Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Right?

**Warnings: **Crack, OOC and no Shounen Ai unless you look under a microscope

**A/N: **For **Gabi**! Happy Birthday!!!!! I did your prompt! 'In which Niou eats cream pie and Yagyuu loses his golf clubs'.

I hope you like!!!

It's set somewhere between **TCoN** and **FaW**. But no foreknowledge of either story is needed. It's just supposed to be funny. My attempt at humor. XD

For **Gabi**.

* * *

**First and Only Chapter: Of Pies, Darts and Yagyuu**

Yagyuu entered his room and set his bag down at its usual place. The Gentleman of Rikkai's male tennis team had a rare smile playing about his lips.

It was a Sunday and Sanada, their vice captain, had declared it a training free day. When that fact had been announced yesterday, after tennis practice, there had been a somewhat stunned silence.

No one could believe that /Sanada/ had told them to take a day off. Niou had then broken the silence with a snort and comment that earned him 50 laps around the courts. However, Yagyuu had the rather fetching thought of the photo in question. It was quite an amusing one.

So today, with all of his homework ready for school tomorrow, he considered his options for the remainder of the day. Cram class had finished entirely for the semester, as he had just attended the last one.

The only thing left to do was… The smile on Yagyuu's face grew wider. His number one love; Well, number two including tennis. Oh wait… Number three if you include Niou as well. Golf.

He had the entire afternoon to enjoy a nice game. With that cheerful thought in mind, Yagyuu reached for his golf clubs. And thus his hand connected with thin air.

The Gentleman's slightly annoyed gaze reached the area in which his golf clubs were definitely situated at yesterday night, when Niou… had slept over.

Yagyuu's glasses gleamed. In an evil villain manner of course.

Niou. Was. So. Dead.

No one touched his golf clubs and expected not to die. And stealing them? Niou might as well have built the guillotine himself.

Without another thought, Yagyuu picked up his mobile and keys and headed out of the door.

* * *

Niou was giggling, yes, giggling, with Marui, a fellow teammate and self-proclaimed tensai.

"Oh! I wish I could see his face right now!" Marui grinned and swallowed another bite of cream pie.

Niou himself was indulging in the treat for once. He had always had the irrational fear of being fat. Very likely fear that was. Not.

"Heh… I doubt that Hiroshi has even /noticed/. It was so simple to just take them with me when I went home this morning. I don't think Hiroshi was even /thinking/ when we bid each other goodbye."

Marui sniggered and stuffed his face once more, "Was it /that/ good last night?"

The silver-haired Trickster nodded, popping another piece of cream pie into his mouth, "Oh yeah! We totally cooked up a storm. You won't believe how addicted to noodles he is. It's scary, but amusing. If you feed him enough of it, he'll forget /anything/. It's like… a drug or something to him."

Jackal chose that time to wander along and waved genially at Marui. He stopped by the two and helped himself to some pie, "Hey, Bunta?"

"Mmm?" Marui's mouth was still full.

"Did you by any chance steal Yagyuu's school jacket again?" Jackal looked more interested in the pie than the question he was asking.

"Nope."

"His CDs?"

"Nuh huh."

"His toothbrush?"

"Nah."

"His hair straightener?"

"Definitely not."

Marui looked up somewhat non-plussed, "Wait a minute… Yagyuu has a /hair straightener/?"

Jackal looked /almost/ apologetic and snuck a glance at Niou, who was looking as angelic as ever. "Oops. Don't tell him I told you ok?"

Marui waved a hand, cream pie all forgotten, "I'll never tell. Does he use it often?"

Niou answered this time, "Every morning. How do you think he gets his hair all so soft and shiny?"

"Ah. Good point."

They continued eating in silence for a while.

"Say… Do you reckon Sanada uses one as well?" Marui pondered out loud.

Niou snorted, "Only if forced at gunpoint. Besides… His hair is so…" A pause and wild hand motions accompanied the mental image.

"Ah."

Another silence.

"MASAHARU!"

That wasn't Sanada's voice. Heck, it wasn't even Kirihara's, although if the junior /ever/ called Niou by his first name, Niou'd probably skin him.

All three turned around.

What they saw shook them, well, Marui and Niou at least, to the bottom of their tennis sneakers. Jackal had his customary placid expression in place. Never forgetting that 'oh-what-fun' smile that accompanied it at all times.

Was it a rampaging hippo?

No.

Was it Spiderman on drugs?

No.

Marui said it for all of them, "Oh damn. It's non-medicated Yagyuu!"

Rikkai's doubles two pair, Marui Bunta and Jackal Kuwahara, made for safety.

"See you Niou!" Marui waved as he sprinted off.

"Nice knowing you," Jackal added as he followed his doubles partner.

Niou was left all by himself to face the full wrath of Yagyuu. Un-medicated and missing his golf clubs.

"Oh damn." Niou gulped and looked about for anything to defend himself with. It was strange how that prank with Yagyuu's golf clubs didn't seem as funny now as it did this morning.

* * *

"Masaharu…" Yagyuu practically purred as he got close enough to talk without yelling.

Niou eyed his partner more nervously than ever. Yagyuu went through three stages when he was in drug withdrawal.

Stage one: The insane, sadistic stage, where he'd randomly chop things up. Everyone steered clear of him. Exceptions: Yukimura, Sanada, Jackal and Kirihara.

Their captain and vice captain had seen enough of this stage and the next to build up an immunity to it. Jackal… Well, nothing seems to faze Jackal. And Akaya because he's similar in 'demon mode'.

Stage two: The calm, quiet and scarily gentle stage. But he'll still chop things up randomly. Everyone still tended to stay away. Exceptions: Yukimura, Sanada, Jackal.

Akaya was terrified of people who were calm and violent at the same time. Niou had the strange theory that it had something to do with that one training camp when the brat was forced to room with Oshitari Yuushi. Now there was someone who was the definition of 'calm violence'. Yukimura, Sanada and Jackal were still immune due to the same reasons.

Stage three: The berserk stage where he'd swing erratically between the first two stages without warning. /Everyone/ stayed away during this stage since no one could tell if the Gentleman was going to smile at you or bite your head off. Exceptions: none.

Sanada's kendo could only protect him so far and he'd refuse to let Yukimura anywhere near Yagyuu during stage three. And Jackal, by this time, would have gone into hibernation with Marui.

Niou watched his partner carefully. It looked like Yagyuu was well into stage two already.

The Gentleman leaned forward and patted Niou's shoulder gently, "There, there. Now Masaharu… Tell me where the golf clubs are and no one will get hurt." This sentence was accompanied with a faint smile.

The silver-haired boy twitched and tried edging sideways. "I didn't take them…"

//Oops. Wrong thing to say. // Niou squeaked internally when he saw the manic gleam in Yagyuu's eyes.

"NIOU!" Yagyuu grabbed his partner and K.O.d him. The Gentleman brushed his hands off and smiled again, "Now… Let me try again… Where are my golf clubs?"

"In the clubroom!!!" Niou jumped back, pressing himself against the wall. Yagyuu was now into stage three.

"Very good." Yagyuu smiled again and headed off to the club room. His soft voice drifted back to the Trickster, "I'll deal with you later…"

Gulp.

Niou considered the amount of time Sanada would be able to buy him. But a glum look at his partner's retreating back told him that it wasn't going to be enough. Not if he was planning on digging himself a hole to the other side of the world. Even the underworld was looking good at this particular moment in time.

Damn. He knew that he shouldn't have taken them.

* * *

Sanada, at this precise moment, was sitting with Yukimura in their tennis clubroom, working on their English homework.

Their teacher had split them into groups of two, given them a theme each and set each team a target of 20 sentences to be made up according to the themes.

Sanada had been handed 'dramatic' and Yukimura had 'old English'. After an hour of intense discussion, the captain and the vice captain of Rikkai's tennis team had finally decided that their sentences had to be in old English /and/ dramatic at the same time.

Genius aren't they?

Currently they were up to sentence number five. Sanada had a frown between his eyebrows as he thought carefully. Of course he was thinking with all of his attention, else how would he have seen Yagyuu making his way towards the clubroom?

That wasn't what made him sit straight up in his chair though, it was the deadly, purple aura that surrounded the Gentleman that gave Sanada pause.

Making sure his voice was calm, Sanada called out softly, "Yukimura?"

"Hmm?" His captain was currently playing with his eraser, flipping it around on the table. "Have you thought of something, Genichirou?"

"We must make haste away from here. Great evil comes this way." As soon as the words left his mouth, Sanada felt like kicking himself. He knew he had a one track mind that found it difficult to focus on two things at once, he had just temporarily forgotten. So now he was stuck with talking like this, all dramatic and whatnot, until his brain got the message that /Yagyuu/ was coming.

Yukimura had shot straight up, not from shock or horror, but from a happy surprise, "Why! Genichirou, I never knew you had a flair for the dramatic!" The blue-haired captain grabbed his pencil and scribbled the sentence down.

Sanada felt like hitting something, "No. Yukimura! We have to remove ourselves from the presence of evil. It shall overwhelm us!"

Yukimura continued scribbling, "Brilliant. If you continue on like this, we'll be done in no time."

A strangled sounding scream forced its way out of Sanada's throat. "I'm not joking Yukimura. This isn't funny; there is a great evil that seeks to dominate our valiant kingdom, also known as the tennis clubroom."

"Hmm…" His captain's pen never stopped moving, "If you remove my name, the 'I'm not joking' and 'this isn't funny', that'll make a decent sentence too!"

Sanada promptly gave up on trying to say anything until his brain recovered from English. Instead, he shoved all of their things into their respective bags and pushed Yukimura out of the clubroom.

"Genichirou!" Yukimura sounded slightly reproachful at being manhandled. "I can move myself, thank you very much."

"It's not that… It's just…"

Yukimura waved a genial hand, "Yes… The great evil." His attention turned to the person moving towards them, "Oh! Yagyuu!"

Sanada's eyes darted around frantically until he saw the direction in which his captain had focused his gaze. He turned and found himself too close to Yagyuu for his liking. The Gentleman was almost within ten meters of him and Yukimura for crying out loud.

One hand grabbed onto Yukimura's, the other held their bags, Sanada quickly and efficiently removed Yukimura from the devil's reach. "Let us go."

Yukimura only had enough time to wave a little at Yagyuu before he was pushed and prodded, all gently of course, towards the library.

* * *

Yagyuu's eyes, from behind his glasses of course, followed the quickly disappearing forms of his captain and vice captain. A small shrug of one shoulder before he entered the clubroom.

And there they were…

His precious.

His darlings.

His /golf clubs/!

Yagyuu went down onto bended knee and embraced them. One of his true loves. Of which Niou was definitely not grouped together with.

Jackal and Marui, who were peeking into the window, exchanged a look.

"That can't be healthy," Marui muttered as his eyes followed the Gentleman who was /waltzing/ with the golf clubs in his arms.

Jackal nodded slowly, "Of course not."

* * *

Later that afternoon, an hour or so after Sanada had finished his homework with Yukimura; he walked by the tennis clubroom on his usual path through the school, on his way home.

Getting close enough, he spotted various regulars from his team hiding behind trees, in bushes and in Renji's case, behind a trash bin.

Yukimura was standing to one side, smiling his 'smile of pleasure because someone is suffering' smile at something and Jackal was beaming with approval at the same something.

Almost unconsciously, Sanada's footsteps slowed and he almost /crept/ forwards until he could see what had interested his team and his captain so. As soon as he did, however, Sanada immediately wished he hadn't.

Jackal spotted him first and waved, "Sanada!"

Yukimura turned and the full force of his smile was turned on his vice, "Genichirou! Come and join us!"

Sanada's eyes almost felt glued to the scene unfolding before him. Quickly as he could without losing anymore of his dignity, Sanada turned tail and ran. Totally no dignity lost there. Really!

No.

He was /not/ going to ask why Renji was now /in/ the bin, muttering and scribbling on his ever present notebook.

He was /not/ going to ask why Akaya thought it was prudent to be wearing a bullet proof vest. And Sanada didn't want to know /why/ Akaya even had one.

And he was definitely, never, ever going to ask why Niou was tied firmly to a giant dartboard.

Or why Yagyuu was holding the biggest dart he had ever seen in his hand. Or about the giant holes already visible on the board. Or about why /Yukimura/ and /Jackal/ were holding more of those giant darts.

No.

Sanada was going to keep his sanity and go home like a good boy. What his team did after hours was of no concern of his. He'd just pretend he never saw anything. A couple of hours watching the fish cam should help him out.

That was the best show… The fish cam.

With that thought firmly in mind, Sanada marched resolutely back home and resolved to never go near the clubrooms after hours again.

* * *

Yah! I got in done in time for your birthday!!! Happy birthday again, Gabi! –huggles-

Hope you have a great day!

Thanks a lot to everyone for reading! Please… Leave me a review, comment, constructive crit/anything/. It'll totally make me happy! XD


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